acak otak

06/12/14. insomnia. lama gak nulis. lagi back up dokumentasi sm file2 penting. trauma kehilangan byk file ky dl. leptop mati total dan data ilang semua. what we'll talk about tonight? sebenere gatau ini mau ditaruh di blog satunya ato di blog yg ini. tp berhubung akun gmailnya kebuka yg ini, yaudah sekalian disini aja nulisnya.lama bgt gak nulis. jd bingung dapetin pematiknya. mungkin salah satu lagu dari Marshall Mathers aka eminem bisa jadiin pematik. minilyric bacain liriknya di pojok kiri bawah leptop. ane gbs ngerap. jd baca aja.. hhe..

If I Had - Eminem

Life.. by Marshall Mathers
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
it's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
swearing that they was always down
What is life?
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing YOUR shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherfuckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at five fifty an hour
then this boss wanders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
for this jerk breathing down my neck driving me bezerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working in Building Square
Tired of not being a millionaire

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM, tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of fucking the same blonde whore after work
in the back of a Contour
I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones
Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
saying they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As Ill As Me"
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
it wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

You know what I'm saying?
I'm tired of all of this bullshit
Telling me to be positive
How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?
Know what I'm sayin?
I rap about shit around me, shit I see
Know what I'm sayin? Right now I'm tired of everything
Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city
Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin?
But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin?
Just fed up
That's my word

suka sama beat plus liriknya. capek. mungkin itu yg mas marshall lagi rasain di lagunya itu. mungkin jg jenuh. ane ambil paragrafnya aja yg mungkin lagi ngena buat sikon malem ini.

What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
and disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin

let's talk! let's write! ane yakin situ pasti pernah punya temen, temen deket, sohib, konco gendeng, dan sejenisnya. entah itu waktu tk,sd,smp,sma ato mungkin kuliah. di waktu itu ente pasti enjoy jalanin hari2 sama temen deket ente itu. ente bisa share hal2 kecil plus rahasia2 kecil sampek hal gaje ke sohib ente. sampek suatu saat hari itu dateng. hari yg harus misahin ente sama sohib ente. entah itu pindah sekolah, pindah tempat kerja ato pindah t4 tinggal. disitulah ente mulai belajar. belajar ngerasain ada hal yg ngganjel di hari ente, ente ngerasa ada yg beda. ente jg belajar ngerasain rasanya sendiri. belajar njalanin hari sendiri tanpa sohib yg bisa langsung ente share ato jeplakin omongan dari mulut ente sendiri.

awal2 pisah sama sohib ente. ente msh bs kontak sm tu sohib ente. entah itu pake sms, telpon, email ato mgkin voice mail. lambat laun ente masuk ke rutinitas yg nyita waktu ente. yang sebelumnya ente slalu sempet ngasi tau kl ente liat lawan jenis yg cakep. ato mungkin ngasi tau kalo ente habis ngadepin tukang parkir yg malah buat ente hampir ketabrak truk. ato mungkin ngasi tau kalo ente salah cukur rambut, dll. intinya ente selalu sempet share hari2 ente ke sohib ente. dy pun jg sama. selalu sama. sampek titik waktu itu dateng, rutinitas yg nyita waktu ente. pelan2 ente sama sohib ente berubah jadi makhluk individualis. pelan2 sampai akhirnya gada lagi share hal2 kecil. come, we all already know that some ppl have new life in their new place and also new friend in their new place. pernah ane nyeletuk dapetin ini kalimat. "manusia suka dengan hal yang baru dan menyenangkan." . i know, that is true. srkg liat. ente sdh kehilangan temen deket/sohib ente dl.bukan.bukan ilang. tp pelan2 ilangnya. dari yg namanya sohib. jadi sohib yg jauh tempatnya. dan lama2 jadi temen dan mgkin parahnya jadi org biasa. apa itu terjadi di semua orang? ga bos! ga smua orang ngalamin ini. tp pastinya ada yg ngalamin ky gini.

saat ente ngerasa pny org yg support ente dan kalian saling support. trus ente ngrasa yakin dy orangnya(true best friend). boom! perpisahan datang. seperti yg td ane blg. entah itu pindah sekolah, pindah tempat kerja ato pindah t4 tinggal. dy pny temen baru, kenalan baru. rutinitas baru. dan mungkin support menyuport yg baru. ini yg ane mksd. its so easy to have a hundred friends, but maybe u have to clim the highest mountain just for having a true bestfriend.

santai brai... ga sedramatik itu ko. tibalah masa reuni. one day, u will meet ur old friend that he/she is ur best friend before.. ente bakal kontak lg sm sohib ente. entah itu kapan. dmn dan dengan siapa, semalam berbuat apa.lah, ko malah nyanyi.zzzz... disitu ente berbicara soal hidup ente yg baru dan demikian dg dy. tentang pekerjaan baru, tmen baru, lingkungan baru,dan hal2 baru lainya. kalian saling ngingetin memory masa lalu saat jd partner in crime. ea... benang pun sudah nyambung lg. ente jd klop lg. ente mulai share hidup ente ke sohib ente. dan dy pun demikian. sampai waktu itu tiba... sampek titik waktu itu dateng, rutinitas yg nyita waktu ente. pelan2 ente sama sohib ente berubah jadi makhluk individualis. pelan2 sampai akhirnya gada lagi share hal2 kecil. hal ini akan mengulang. come on...! inilah hidup brai. semua berputar.. selalu ada dejavu... repitisi pangkat entah berapa...

dan akhirnya ente lelah.. sampai di titik tertentu dan bertanya. how many my friend? who is my true best friend? where is he/she? disini ente sdikit mulai cerdas mikir. siapa yg butuh siapa dan siapa yg ngehargain siapa dan siapa yang peduli siapa. ayolah... ga perlu mendramatisir cerita brai... ini cuma acak otak ko. jadilah temen biasa aja. temen ente itu udh pny hidup baru, lingkungan baru dan cerita baru. prosentase peran ente sebagai sohib udah merosot dengan hal2 tersebut. jgn memposisikan tetap sama atau bahkan lebih. repitisi itu bakal ttp ada..

kalo ente ngalamin ky hal yg ane bilang diatas. disitu ente bakal jadi sulit percaya sm org. ente susah cerita hal2 yg nyangkut hidup ente ke orang laen. ente bakal jd org yg mungkin tertutup di dalem. terbuka diluar. gada org yg bisa nebak ente dan ente gatau mesti ngeluapin ke sapa karena ente sadar sohib yg ente anggeb dulu udh balik lg masuk ke rutinitasnya. prosentase peran ente sudah merosot lg. kalo kata Prabowo Subianto,"jadi rakyat biasa lagi". hhe... mau nyolek hati sohib ente pun. dy ga bakal bs respon kaya dulu. udh beda bahasa dan dunia. semoga sih ente ceritanya g kaya gitu. ini cuma cerita ngalor ngidul ga jelas sebelum tidur ko.

mati. mari qt tulis soal mati. beberapa kali (bisa diitung jari) ane dateng ke acara layat org yg ane kenal. orang2 yg masih sepantaran sama ane. sedih kehilangan teman ataupun kenalan. susah didisrkibsiin pake tulisan. intinya pasti sedih. ane dan temen2 ane serta temen almarhum ikut sedih, kehilangan dan bahkan netesin air mata. sampai setelah tanah itu berbentuk cembung kita masih sedih dan kehilangan. tepat sehari berikutnya kita semua yg kemarin hadir di pemakaman tersebut kembali ke rutinitas masing2. bahkan bisa kembali ketawa seakan udh g ngrasain kehilangan. disitu ane mikir. siapa sahabat atau org terdekat yg sangat2 dan benar2 kehilangan almarhum selain keluarganya? brp org yg bener2 nangisin dan bner2 kehilangan almarhum. dan disitu ane mulai mikir. kalo nanti ane mati. dilayatin dan dikubur. mungkin byk tangis dan haru di pemakaman ane. tp siapa yg bakal bnr2 nangisin dan bner2 kehilangan ane. apa mereka tetep ngelanjutin hidup mreka seperti biasanya? atau ngrasa ada yg beda karena ane gada didalemnya? ane gatau dh kl itu. yg aq tanyain adalah. brp prosentase peran ane di dalam hidup mereka sbg sohib ataupun temen?

sebelum post. mari qt nyayi lagunya dream theater..

If I die tomorrow
I'd be alright
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

idk why i have to write this post. maybe this is not the right blog to post it. namanya juga acak otak.